Does it work? There is debate in the field of mental health as to whether working with couples is effective or whether each person in the relationship would benefit from individual counseling.

The reality? I would set forth the idea that it is "both." Individual therapy is essential for personal discovery and growth. Where couples therapy is beneficial is in understanding the dynamic of relationship and the value and purpose of communication.

That is not to say that communication is the answer to relationships. Several theories of couples counseling are based on active listening, paraphrasing and honesty. And they have mixed results. It isn't enough to tell each other your "honest feelings." In fact, that can be problematic. Often our feelings in any given moment are just that, passing emotions. Expressing them without filtering can do more harm than good. There are very successful ways to express your feelings and needs honestly and to hear your partner's feelings and needs without hearing criticism, blame or judgment.

My work with couples is primarily educational. I have these basic premises:

1) All behavior is based on needs. If you or your partner is not getting your needs met then there is disharmony.
2) The responsibility for getting your needs met is YOURS, not anyone elses.
3) Ask for what you want, but don't "expect" to get it. If you are unsuccessful, find an alternative; don't give up your needs!
4) You cannot change another person. Expecting or demanding change in another only leads to grief.
5) Basicly you have two choices - Accept the things you cannot change, Change those things you can.

I have trained in these theoretical approaches to couples:
John Gottman - The Marriage Clinic ( the Sound House model, emphasing appreciation and shared dreams);
Elyn Bader and Peter Pearson's Couples Institute (focused on stages of development in relationships);
Harville Hendrix's Conscious Marriage, (with exercises in paraphrasing, containing and intimacy):
Robert Scuka Relational Enhancement Therapy

In addition, I have an extensive background in Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model and teach it to all my clients. NVC has provided me with the most lasting successes, both in my work with clients and in my personal relationships.

Thanks for reading through this elementary treatice. I hope to be developing this page more thoroughly in the future.
Jim Hussey, LPC